Dear Friends,
Greetings!
I wonder if you have noticed that the generation of today is not aware that vows taken when they get married are meant to be for life. It is not at all like our days when we felt that once married, it is meant to be forever till death do us part. In today’s generation, well if there are arguments, then the couple decides to part and move on instead of sitting down and discussing where either one has gone wrong and to correct oneself and be together.
Reasons most marriages today just don't work for couples of this generation. A million-dollar question? Why not?
It's a pretty simple concept — fall in love and share your life together. Our great grandparents did it, and for many of us, our parents did it as well. We too did it but why the hell can't the younger generation do it?
Many of you will ask what gives me the right to share my advice or opinions.
I've spent the better part of trying to understand the dating scene again. Back when I met my late husband, things were just so different. Social media had yet to explode. I had this desire to ask him about his day simply because I didn't know. The internet had not started so texting was not there to make its way into mainstream society, so if I wanted to speak to him, I had to call him. If I wanted to see him, I had to go to his house and knock on his door. Everything required an action on my part, or his. Today, things are different though.
Looking back, I begin to wonder how different things were for our generation. More importantly, I wonder how different they will be for the newer generation after this. The generation of today isn't equipped to handle marriages — and here's why:
Sex becomes almost non-existent. Not only do I believe it's an important aspect of a relationship, I believe it's the most important. Beyond being pleasurable, sex connects two individuals. There's a reason why it's referred to as making love. I'm baffled by couples who neglect having sex, especially younger ones. We all desire physical connection, so how does cutting that off lead you to believe your marriage will be successful? It's like telling someone you'll take them out to a restaurant but they can't order food. Yes, I understand that later as your marriage has grown in life, sex is or may not be so important but just lying close together makes the feeling really great, as that is what we call companionship which comes between the couples as they grow old.
Finances cripple us. The cost of living was very different than what it is now. You'd be naive to believe this stress doesn't cause strain on marriages today. This strain causes separation between us. It halts us from being able to live life. We're too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth. Forget going to dinner, you have to pay the mortgage. You'll have to skip out on an anniversary gift this year because those loans are due at the end of the month. Vacations? Not happening. We're trying to live the way our grandparents and parents did in a world that has put more debt on our plate than ever before. It's possible, but it puts us in an awful position. Part of life is being able to live. Not having the finances to do so takes away yet another important aspect of our relationships. It keeps us inside, forced to see the life everyone else is living.
We're more connected than ever before, but completely disconnected at the same time. We've removed human emotion from our relationships, and we've replaced it with colorful bubbles. Somehow, we've learned to get offended by text on a screen, accusing others of being "angry" or "sad" when, in fact, we have no idea what they are feeling. We argue about this — at length. We've forgotten how to communicate, yet expect healthy marriages. How is it possible to grow and mature together if we barely speak?
Years ago, my grandmother wouldn't hear from my grandfather all day; he was working down. But today, if someone doesn't text you back within 30 minutes, they're suddenly cheating on you.
You want to know why the older generation just celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary? Because they weren't scrolling through Instagram worrying about what John ate for dinner. They weren't on Facebook criticizing others. They weren't on vacation sending Snapchats to their friends.They were too preoccupied loving and respecting one another. They were talking to each other at dinner, walking with each other holding hands instead of their phones. They weren't distracted by everything around them. They had dreams and chased them together. Social media, however, has given everyone an opportunity to be famous. Attention you couldn't dream of getting unless you were celebrity is now a selfie away. Post a picture, and thousands of strangers will like it. Wear less clothing, and guess what? More likes.
If you want to love someone, stop seeking attention from everyone because you'll never be satisfied with the attention from one person. Love and marriage is supposed to be sacred. Nothing is sacred anymore, in fact, it's splattered all over the Web for the world to see. Everywhere we go, everything we do — made public. Instead of enjoying the moment, we get lost in cyberspace, trying to figure out the best status update, or the perfect filter. There's absolutely nothing wrong with sharing moments of your life. I do it myself. But where do we draw the line? When does it become too much? Marriage is sacred. It is the most beautiful sacrament and has tremendous promise for those fortunate enough to experience it.
They must learn how to “fight fair”. I don’t even like that word because we never fight, we argue or disagree respectfully as mature adults should and not think of screaming and yelling, name calling, hits below the belt, and things being thrown, or physical harm. And the stress can be lessened by learning how to communicate with your spouse. Trying to understand them and adjusting to your marriage.
It happened to us too. But we stuck together and compromised with each other on our marriage expectations. We had to both respect each other’s boundaries. We worked together to build a strong foundation for the wonderful marriage we enjoy today. As humans, we all have our own way of doing things.
I hope you never experience the demise of your love, your soulmate. It's painful, and life changing; something nobody should ever feel.
I do fear, however, that the world we live in today has put roadblocks in the way of getting there and living a happy life with someone. Some things are in our control, and unfortunately, others are not.
People can agree or disagree. I'm perfectly OK with that.
Parsan Narang
8th December 2016
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