Short stories to make you smile even if it is for a second

Hi Folks,

Greetings and hope you all are doing good on your home ground as well as your workplace.

Well, these two places are of importance to us all and also it can be quite tiring to keep peace in the house so that you don’t annoy your better half and then also to make sure your boss is pleased with your work.  My mission is to aim and surprise you for a while but never want to offend or shock you but to amuse you with funny short stories.  So! Why not let’s smile and lift our spirits for a while as we live only once and life is too short to be serious all the while.

Here, we go and being the last day of the month let us hope that it brings a smile on your face, maybe even if is for a second, it is worth it and be ready to start the new month with a smile!  

Cheers!!

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Once when I went for a walk in a park, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out.  I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

He told me, 'I have a 22 year old wife at home. She rubs my back every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.'

I continued, 'Well, then why are you crying?'

He added, 'She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favourite biscuits, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.'

I said, 'Well, why are you crying?'

He said, 'For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favourite dessert and then we cuddle until the small hours.'

I inquired, 'Well then, why in the world would you be crying?' He replied, 'I can't remember where I live.'

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The Silly, Hilarious and Funny Side of DIY [Do It Yourself]

Rosie Hall buys a self-assembly, flat-pack, cupboard from her local Homebase store.  Reaching home, Rosie reads the instructions carefully, counts the pieces then assembles the cupboard in the bedroom.  It looks really great and she is delighted.

Now, Rosie lives near a railway line and as the train passes by the cupboard collapses.  Undaunted by this misfortune, she re-reads the instructions and reassembles the cupboard.  Once more, another train passes and the whole cupboard collapses again.

Rosie now frustrated and thinking that she must have done something "wrong" re-re-reads the instructions and re-re-assembles the cupboard.  Shortly, a train passes and the whole cupboard collapses yet again for the 3rd time.

Rosie is now fed up, cross and rather angry so she phones the customer service department.  She is told that this is quite impossible and that they'll send along a fitter to take a look.

The fitter arrives and assembles the cupboard. Again, a train passes and the cupboard collapses.  Completely baffled by this unexpected event, the fitter decides to reassemble the cupboard and sit inside it to see whether he can find out what causes the cupboard to collapse.  At this point, Rosie's husband comes home, sees the cupboard and says, 'Oh, that's a splendid looking cupboard,' and he opens it to look inside.

The fitter, who had been wondering how to explain his position in Rosie's bedroom cupboard, blurts out, 'You probably won't believe me, but I'm standing here waiting for a train.'

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Fun At The Movies

Last week Ronnie Walsh went to the movies at the Rialto Cinema in Bristol to see "Slumdog Millionaire" but because of two women loudly chatting together who were sitting in the row in front of him, Ronnie was unable to hear the dialogue clearly.

Ronnie leaned forward and said in a stage whisper, 'Excuse me ladies but I can't hear.' 'I should hope not,' stormed the woman, 'this is a private conversation.'

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Amusing Married Men Only Story

Apparently in a small town somewhere in the USA, there is a large factory that will only recruit married men. One of the local women, one Brenda Davy, a feisty young lady, was angry about this and demanded to speak to the manager to find out why.

Brenda demanded to know, 'Why is it you limit your employees to married men?  Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous.......or what?' 'Not at all, Ma'am,' the Factory Manager replied. 'It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them.'

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A Funny True Story

Police Officer Bryant found a perfect hiding place for watching for speeding motorists.

One day, the officer was amazed when everyone was under the speed limit, so Bryant investigated and found the problem.  10 year old Dennis was standing on the side of the road with a huge hand painted sign which said "Radar Trap Ahead." A little more investigative work led the officer to the boy's accomplice, another boy about 100 yards beyond the radar trap with a sign reading "Tips" and a bucket at his feet, full of change.

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Paula, and her husband, Chris, had just finished tucking their young ones into bed one evening when they heard crying coming from the children's room. Rushing in, they found Tommy crying hysterically.

He had accidentally swallowed a 5p piece and was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking could change his mind. Trying to calm him, Chris palmed a 5p coin that he happened to have in his pocket and pretended to remove it from Tommy's ear.  Tommy, naturally, was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully - 'Do it again, Dad!'

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After his return from Rome, Will couldn't find his luggage in the London Gatwick airport baggage area.  So he went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that his bags hadn't shown up on the carousel.  She smiled and told him not to worry because they were trained professionals and he was in good hands.

'Now', she asked Will, 'has your plane arrived yet?'

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The Airline flight attendant in this next tale is going the same way as Pete.

From a Stingem employee....' Welcome aboard Stingem Flight XXX to YYY.' We are pleased to have some of the best pilots in the industry... Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight...!'

Then he progressed to the famous ' Fasten Seatbelt Routine' .  What he said was: 'To operate your seatbelt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seatbelt, and if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised.'

In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with two or more small children, decide now which one you love the more.

After the plane landed, he said: 'As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants'

His final announcement was: 'Thank you for flying Stingem Airlines. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.'

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Variety truly is the spice of life.  When it comes to a story, we have a tale for each social occasion and every mood.  Many of these short stories are true - with embellishments.  Others have only a grain of truth, whilst the remainder are just tall stories. Hope it did bring a smile on your face even if it is for a second.

Parsan Narang

31st July 2016