How and why the younger generation of today don’t respect their elders may it be parents or others
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Mistakes Parents Make That Push Adult Children Away
We were raised in an environment where the elderly were very much respected, not spoken to as if they were children or treated as if they are a burden. But now in an environment where this is not the case, and very much want to be a good example and gently teach the people around us not to treat their elderly relatives like pieces of furniture. They are missing out on so much on wisdom and advice. We wish we could find a way to educate and illuminate, hopefully.
Well, we think the question is more "how can we teach people to treat elders with respect?"
The best way to remind them is about a time they were sick or embarrassed about themselves or nervous? Well did they get treated like a person or like an object? Remember that just because you age, feelings don't change. Remember that fear? Made you feel like you were a human being? Well, elders feel exactly these same feelings.
Remember the last time you were heartbroken? How was it? Did you like it? Feeling rejected is not easy right? Now imagine if everyone rejected you because you looked a certain way?
Respect also goes for racism? Do you think people should treat others differently because of the color of the skin? What if they treated you differently because of your appearance? What if people made assumptions about you or thought your contributions weren't valuable because of how you look? How would that make you feel?
What do people miss by not respecting their elders? Well respect is a way that you show people that they love them.
We need to respect elders as we must not forget for all they did for us or also the age factor is there as tomorrow they too will age!!
What is the best and most respectful way to reason with elderly people when they are being unreasonable? : Explain to them in a subdued voice instead of in a retaliating manner and do not argue as it makes matters worse and indulge in being hurt. If the arguments gets high then it is best to avoid the discussion for the time being till matters cool down.
These are the questions we elders invariably ask ourselves : How do people in this generation respect the elders? Why do I always put myself where no one else will ever respect me? Are you disrespecting yourself when you disrespect others? There are constant cycles in history. There is loss, but it is always followed by regeneration. The tales of our elders who remember such cycles are very important to us now.
There are constant cycles in history. There is loss, but it is always followed by regeneration. The tales of our elders who remember such cycles are very important to us now. Why Should Teens Respect Their Elders?
Here are few things you can do as a parent today to start getting respect back from your kids.
- Remember, your child is not your friend. ...
- Catch disrespect early and plan ahead if you can. ...
- Get in alignment with your mate. ...
- Teach your child basic social interaction skills. ...
- Be respectful when you correct your child.
Parents and elders at times have to handle disrespectful behavior from children, especially during the teen years. Common signs of disrespect among teens include talking back to elders or disregarding instructions given by adults. Although you can blame bad attitude or rudeness in your teenage child on hormonal changes, it is important to teach your child the importance of respecting their elders.
The teen years are a transitional age, and the support of society -- especially elders -- is essential in helping teenagers get through this stage. Elders, including parents, teachers and relatives, represent a well of knowledge. Teens who respect elders encourage elders to impart knowledge and wisdom to them in regard to life experiences, values and morals that are vital guiding principles. Respecting teachers also creates a suitable environment to improve education.
Humanity
Respect is a core value of many people. Teaching teens to respect their elders breeds other essential life values, such as compassion, humility, fairness and responsibility. It creates a special bond between the elderly generation and teens. It also serves as a sign of respect for teens to spend time with their elders, especially senior citizens who may be lonely and in need of company. Teens must also realise that elders too like to be pampered by them in their old age just as the elders used to do with them when the teens were small.
Teenagers will not stay in their youth forever; some day, they also will become elders. Helpful advice to teens is to uphold respect toward their elders and treat elders in the same capacity as they would like to have future youth treat them. Respect begets respect. When parents ingrain the importance of respecting elders in teens, the teenagers pass these values to other children and future generations.
Parents may not always be there to guide their children, especially when they grow up and leave for college or seek jobs. They meet different elderly people who act as supervisors, instructors or employers. Teaching a teenager the value of upholding respect increases his chances of progressing and relating better with people he meets in his everyday life. People are generally more inclined to help or interact with someone who projects a sense of respect for his elders.
“Life is a tide; float on it. Go down with it and go up with it, but be detached. Then it is not difficult.” Prem Rawat
When our children are born we start building up hope on what we want them to do or become in life. Our children will always be our children, but once they turn 18 or above and leave home, they also are adults with lives increasingly separate from our own. It’s a challenge for parents to step back while also staying connected to their grown-up kids.
Much of the angst between parents and adult children stems from the tug-of-war over whose life it is. There often is a disconnect between parents who still want to shape their grown-up kids’ future course and the kids who are determined to live their lives their own way.
For loving parents, their grown children’s trials and errors, including failed projects and teary breakups, can be anguishing. It can be wrenching to let go of the old parental omnipotence and not be able to fix everything. But when grown kids cope with these ups and downs, they develop into resilient, self-sufficient people with the confidence that comes from standing on their own feet.
“Don’ts” to keep in mind when dealing with grown children…
It takes a long time these days for grown kids to achieve financial independence and it shows that money issues are the number-one topic of conflict between parents and kids when they turn 18 to 29 years old.
Never ever use your financial support to control your adult kids. Don’t ever snide them on that point. If you’re supporting your adult child, you certainly can set ground rules about how that money is used—but you should not threaten to withdraw your support if the adult child doesn’t make life changes unrelated to finances.
It’s reasonable to tell your adult child that money you’re providing cannot be spent on a vacation—but don’t tell him that it can’t be spent on a vacation unless he leaves the girlfriend you don’t like.
Never force your kids to take a job that pays well but that they don’t like. Not only might they hold their unhappiness with the hated job against you, their lack of passion for the field could inhibit their career growth.
Don’t make snide comments about the job prospects of your college-age child’s field of study or the earnings potential of his line of work. It is reasonable to discuss career and earnings outlooks with your kids before they choose a college, field of graduate study or first job. But trying to control the big decision of what field your adult child will choose is sure to stir up resentment. Keep in mind that although college majors do vary in their future earnings, getting a college degree, in any area, is the most important goal for enhancing lifelong career prospects.
Don’t insist that your kids find their own way after college rather than return home. These days, many adult children live at home for a short time. Almost always, their return home is temporary because they prefer to live independently as soon as they can afford to do so.
If they are staying with you, have a healthy discussion and explain about trying to allot on a division of household responsibilities. The adult child is now an adult member of the household and should do an adult share of the housework, laundry and cooking and should also contribute towards to house expenses depending upon his income.
Most adult children like talking to their parents and enjoy having a more adultlike relationship than they did in their teens. But…
Don’t ask probing questions about your children’s lives. If they want to share something personal, they will. Adult children vary a lot in how much they want their parents to know about their lives and how much they want to confide in them.
Take special care not to raise subjects that your adult child has historically been disinclined to discuss. Resist the urge to ask follow-up questions on the rare occasions when your child does raise one of these subjects.
Many adult children prefer not to discuss their love lives with their parents.
Don’t overdo it. Today’s technology makes it cheap and easy to stay in contact with loved ones, and many adult children and their parents are in contact with one another nearly every day. However, for some grown kids, that’s a bit too much togetherness at a time when they are striving to become self-sufficient. In general, it’s best to follow your adult children’s lead on communications. If they contact you weekly via text message, then contact them weekly via text message, too. Text messaging might not be your preferred communication method, but it’s a great way to touch base with today’s young adults without seeming pushy. You can always slip in a phone call now and then.
Don’t feel offended if kids go a few days without answering your text message or voice mail. It doesn’t mean that they don’t care. It could just mean that they are busy—or that they’re not that eager to discuss that particular topic.
Don’t overlook your adult child’s romantic partners at family get-togethers. If your adult child has been seeing someone for a while, be sure to include the partner in family gatherings, then do your best to make him/her feel welcome and comfortable. The more comfortable your grown child’s partner is with you, the more you are likely to see of your child.
Many young adults spend their 20s acting in ways that seem irresponsible to their parents. They might change jobs or romantic partners frequently or rely on their parents for financial support or housing.
This is all perfectly normal and does not mean that the young adult is destined to act this way forever.
And while adult children might seem to be in desperate need of advice, there’s a good chance that they will react poorly if their parents offer it. Such guidance makes them feel as if their parents still see them as children. This puts parents in a difficult position—they want to help their grown-up kids avoid missteps, but any wisdom they offer is likely to be poorly received.
Usually parents’ best option is to bite their tongues and not offer their adult children advice when it hasn’t been requested. Such advice might harm the relationship, and there is a good chance it won’t be heeded anyway. But speaking up would be wise if…
You believe your adult child’s safety is at risk. It’s worth putting the relationship at risk when safety is at stake.
Don’t offer unsolicited advice if you think your adult child is staying out too late—but do if you suspect he’s driving home drunk. Don’t tell your daughter you don’t like her new boyfriend—but do speak your mind if your daughter has a black eye and you suspect that the boyfriend is responsible.
The topic is money-related and you’re providing financial support. If your money is on the line, it’s perfectly reasonable to voice concerns about the adult child’s questionable financial decisions or even set ground rules for spending. But it will help the relationship if after voicing these concerns or setting these rules, you add something such as, “The final decision is yours, and I will continue to support you emotionally whatever you decide. I just can’t continue to support you financially if you make this decision.”
You’re paying your child’s rent while he searches for a job, but you notice that he hasn’t been looking for work lately.
You obtain permission to provide advice. The odds of a negative reaction decline greatly if you ask the child if he would like your input before you offer it.
Respect the child’s answer. If he says he prefers to work through the problem on his own, keep your advice to yourself.
When you feel you must provide advice, also ask the adult child for his advice on a different topic about which he is knowledgeable. This can keep the relationship on good ground
“Whatever you are, be a good one.”
Parsan Narang
Kolkata
10th March 2016
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