HOW & WHY DEPRESSION SETS IN - IF NOT DEALT WITH CAN LEAD TO DEMENTIA / ALZHEIMER’S

HOW & WHY DEPRESSION SETS IN - IF NOT DEALT WITH CAN LEAD TO DEMENTIA / ALZHEIMER’S

“Naked and alone we came into exile,” wrote the American novelist Thomas Wolfe in his 1929 novel Look Homeward, Angel. “In her dark womb we did not know our mother’s face; from the prison of her flesh we come into the unspeakable and incommunicable prison of this earth … Which of us is not forever a stranger and alone?”

In our times, we would have joint families and we we were surrounded by a lot activities, may it be housework, family members talking away with each or the laughter and noise of the children, shouting for the servants and giving the instruction for the daily routine and so forth, so the question of loneliness did not arise.  It was great fun on its own.   But now it is different, everyone wants to lead their own lives and prefer to be on their own, so this is where loneliness sets in.  As you are on your own especially when your partner is no more.  No one is to be blamed as every individual has a right to lead his or her life their way and on their terms.  Those who have friends frequently go through life unaware that others do not, because those others are so isolated as to be socially invisible. A bleaker reality of suffering without the cushion of love.

A friend of mine once told me that she was extremely unhappy and she didn’t feel she could tell anyone, that she avoided the world.

So here are some points which may be of help to others who do feel like her:

In an era in which Facebook has made “friend” into a verb, we often confuse the ambient intimacy of websites with the authentic intimacy that comes with sharing your life’s challenges with someone who cares – who will be sad because you are sad, happy because you feel joy, worried if you are unwell, reassuring if you are hopeless. We are imprisoned even in crowded cities and at noisy parties.

Depression is a disease of loneliness. Many untreated depressives lack friends because it saps the vitality that friendship requires and immures its victims in an impenetrable sheath, making it hard for them to speak or hear words of comfort. Worldly success does little to assuage that agony, Love – both expressed and received – is helpful, not because it ameliorates the symptoms of depression (it does not), but because it gives people evidence that life may be worth living if they can only get better. It gives them a place to admit to their illness, and admitting it is the first step toward resolving it.

It would be arrogant for people with friends to pity those without. Some friendless people may be close to their parents or children rather than to extrafamilial friends, or they may be more interested in things or ideas than in other people. The Relate research suggests that married people are mostly happier than the unmarried, but marriage is not right for everyone. For some, friendship has become a vocabulary as obscure as Sanskrit. Lack of emotional fluency may cause depression; it may exacerbate it; it may cast a shadow over recovery. But there are ways to help people who want friendships to learn the language of affection. Parents and schools can teach children productive ways to engage.

Many of us are more alone than we need to be, living in gratuitous exile. Friendship is an impulse encoded deep within us, but it is also a skill, and skills can be both taught and learned.

Creating a social system that shoehorns people into relationships or friendships they don’t want is not likely to solve the ever-widening depression crisis. Insisting to people who don’t want companionship that they’d be happier if they were less lonely is not a useful intervention.

Many people, however, are desperate for love, but don’t know how to go about finding it, disabled by depression’s tidal pull toward seclusion. Loneliness will not be fixed by medication, though pills may instigate the stability to open up to friendship’s liabilities: potential rejection, exhausting demands, the need for self-sacrifice.

Thinking you know that others are thinking badly of you or that you are responsible for their negative feelings.  Thinking that one bad experience guarantees more bad experiences. Blaming yourself for things you are not responsible. Thinking with emotions or letting emotions affect how you perceive an event.

People who suffer with depression often have thoughts that they are worthless, unlovable, or undeserving, and they often have thoughts that their environments are overwhelming, have insurmountable obstacles, and that their futures are hopeless.

Rumination is the activity of replaying a scenario or problem in your head over and over, like a broken record. While some people consider rumination as a form of problem-solving ("I'm thinking through this problem from every angle until I come up with a solution"), if the problem is upsetting, you will end up continuing to be upset until you stop thinking about it.

Journaling can help you identify and change the way you think and behave. This practice has also been shown to help decrease stress, which can be a byproduct of depression and loneliness. Find whatever works best for you. This can be a notebook, loose-leaf notebook paper, or your computer.

Plan out each hour of your day. Help combat depression and loneliness by keeping structure in your day with a daily schedule. The use of a schedule helps depression by counteracting the loss of motivation, hopelessness, and decreasing time for rumination, which are all associated with depression. Incorporate time for journaling, rest, exercise, relaxation, and self-care. To combat loneliness, schedule time to connect with a social group or a pet.

Retrain yourself to be self-reliant. Self-reliance training is sometimes needed for persons with depression when they have become reliant on friends or family members to take care of daily needs. The process of self-reliance starts with taking back responsibility for self-care.

Overcoming Loneliness :  Think about the similarities between you and others. Oftentimes, loneliness stems from the thought that your own experience is drastically different from that of others. But we all experience the same emotions, from joy and love to disappointment and anger. Consider how the human experience is universal.

Make small-talk with people you interact with : If you're feeling lonely, it can help to have a brief conversation with the grocery store clerk or the bank teller. This really does help.  This will help you feel a connection with someone, even if you don't have a lengthy conversation with this person.  Even a simple act like saying hello to your neighbor can help you feel more connected. This might even be the impetus you need to start a conversation that will result in a lifelong friendship.

Volunteer in your community : When you feel lonely, you tend to focus on your own feelings and how your needs are not being met. If you turn your attention to the needs of others, you can redirect your emotions. Find a nonprofit organization in your community. You can volunteer at an animal shelter, for example.

Regulate your sleep schedule : Recent studies have shown that when you sleep, your brain gets a deep cleaning. Your body uses this time to flush out toxins and other dangerous material. When you don't sleep enough, this puts you at risk of mental stress, because that build up makes it hard for your brain to work properly.  Make sure that you get enough restful, continuous sleep to ensure that your brain has its best chance.

One good way for you to exercise while also managing the feelings of depression is to go for a jog / long walks or a swim. Both of these exercises are known for helping you clear your mind, as you focus on your environment and the physical sensation of what you are doing.

Many of us may not want to see a therapist because they feel stigmatized, crazy, or burdensome.  Try not to avoid social support.  It’s important to realize that depression is not who you are. It is an illness like any other. Do not let the dysfunctional, automatic thoughts about being a burden or being weak deter you from engaging socially with friends and family and seeking their support when you need it. Social support is a critical, protective factor against depression and loneliness.

Pinpoint who you will call and have a plan about which kind of outside help you will seek if you do reach a point in needing acute care for depression. This type of plan is a safety plan and will include names of friends, family, doctors, and emergency numbers to call if you need help.

Get immediate help if you are suicidal. If you have thoughts of suicide, or you can no longer function in daily life, resolve to seek outside help.

Loneliness is terrible and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemies

This article is a good place to start. It's important to learn to love yourself and to get used to the role of solitude as opposed to feeling alone -- solitude is a time of choosing to be alone and reflect on your life and some people need more of this time than others.   Feeling alone is when you don't feel supported by others and feel isolated or even unloved. Learning to love yourself and accept the role of solitude can help you to feel stronger, which in turn attracts people to you as you then offer a source of strength and love. In this way, "getting rid" of loneliness isn't a single, simple step but a combination of efforts and reaching out.

How to fight depression after losing love?

Try to be strong emotionally. If you have friends, meet with them, to talk about how you feel. In time, reach out to other people and activities that help you to be active and happy.

That depression was a risk factor for dementia, not a symptom of the disease. Depression is not an inevitable symptom of Alzheimer's, "It's not to say that people with Alzheimer's never have depression," "We think they're as likely to have depression as they were before the disease."  Depression and dementia are linked, however.

As if depression wasn't bad enough on its own, new research suggests older adults with depressive symptoms are at increased risk of developing Alzheimer's disease.

Alzheimer's is a fatal brain disorder marked by memory loss and an inability to function in daily life. Researchers have long known that depression and Alzheimer's disease are linked, but it wasn't clear whether depression was a risk factor for Alzheimer's or a symptom of the disease.

I have seen my very Dear Late Uncle who was my sincere Guardian and Mentor suffering from Alzheimer’s.  It all started with depression followed by dementia and gradually into Alzheimer’s. It is a deadly thing as it can linger on for years to come.  I have seen him suffering especially when he could not talk but the look in his eyes would speak a lot and his immediate family would feel miserable and helpless.  He was given the best of treatment and seen by the best of Doctors but …….  I had seen his condition deteriorating from the time it started and into the years that he was bed ridden.  I sometimes feel it is worse than Cancer.

So, friends,  if you know of anyone close to you who is undergoing depression my earnest request to you all is help them if you can to overcome it.  He or she does not have to be your blood relative, it can be anyone you may know.  You would be just doing a good deed and you will be blessed.

Parsan Narang

Kolkata

5th April 2016